the first time(s)

i don’t know, it must have been something o’clock when we poured the last of the second bottle. the window nearest the bed was letting through moon or sun light, but i really couldn’t tell you which.

“here’s to whatever this is, and whatever it will be”

you pulled the sheet up over your body. you were still shy, even though we’d made love, i’m not sure how many times. perhaps it was that we’re making love just once, and it wasn’t over yet.

i sipped, and picked up my note pad. i’d barely written three pages all day, all night. each time i started, i was interrupted. this time, it seemed, would be no different. your smile, from beneath your tussled hair, hinted at that. your reaching over to push my note book from my thigh, and taking my hardening cock into your hand, confirmed it.

“fuck me again, you can write when i sleep”

we had only just met, and we touched for the first time when we entered this hotel room. the first time i entered you, i can’t explain, the mix of first-time and familiar literally took my breath away. the second and third times did not disappoint either.

“maybe i’ll fuck you, and write on your skin”


i’ve had two Rachel’s in my life.

the first Rachel was a fat slut who sucked my cock when i was young and stupid. trust me, calling her a fat slut is a compliment. she was a nasty piece of work. nasty nasty.

the second Rachel is a gem. she’s beautiful, smart, and hilariously funny. i like her and love her equally. we are great friends too. it’s a shame we’ve never met, and circumstances will always keep it that way. she’s the one that ‘got away’.

maybe i need a third Rachel. a Rachel exactly like the second Rachel, but with false teeth like the first one. peerrfect!

photo of my cock, part 2

because i’m a niicce guy, when a diirrty friend of mine asked me to send her a photo of my cock, i obliged. she’s a lady, i’m a gentleman, blah blah blah.

i guessed that the reason she wanted the photo of my cock was so that she could show it to her friend. i guessed correctly. i asked her to send me a photo of her and her friend, and she did. she then told me that her friend liked my cock, saying it was, “nice and thick.”

i think that the three of us would all get along very nicely, especially in a king size bed after a few jugs of sangria.

my man mind

i have a head ache, yes.
sure, my back is crook, and my legs are sore.
i know i haven’t slept in three days.

… but yes, i still want to fuck. i’m a man, what the fuck do you mean “are you sure?” get your clothes off and get on the fucking bed. stick your ass up in the air so i can fuck you doggy style. do it, and do it now!


i fantasize about blondes, but i always end up with brunettes. i like the idea of redheads, but there’s not enough hot ones to go around. asian girls run away from me, and i like to fuck black girls but they don’t hang in my part of town. skinny girls look good in clothes, but don’t look good naked. fat girls are fun to fuck for the first time, but not the second and third time.

i don’t know what i want. give me one of each maybe, and i’ll play diirrty roulette. i’ll spin around, and around, and whoever’s bed i fall into is the lucky gal. if i stay until morning, she’s luckier still. who knows, i might even take her out for breakfast. now that’d be hittin’ the fuckin’ jackpot, eh?


typical story. my so called fucking mates tied me to a fucking tree out in the middle of who knows where. sure, i was drunk. sure, it was my buck’s night. sure, it happens all the time. but why the fuck did they have to blindfold me as well?

i kind of remember the car ride out there, but not much else. i don’t remember losing my pants, or the actual act of being tied to the tree, but i do remember waking up and not knowing what the fuck was going on. imagine waking up and realising that you’re blindfolded and tied to a tree… and feeling something warm stroking your cock!

“what the fuck!”


fuck, who was it? at least it was a female voice.

“this isn’t funny, please, just untie me.”


fuck. i couldn’t move my arms, or my legs, i was completely vulnerable. and it seems, naked from the waist down.

her hand cupped my balls, and gently rolled them in her palm. then, i could feel her lips touch the end of my cock.

“no, no please, stop. i’m getting married tomorrow. please.”


oh fuck. whoever it is, she doesn’t care.

her tongue darted out, and licked the underside of my head while her hand squeezed the base of my cock. she was trying to make me hard. she was succeeding. i was semi-hard now, enough for her to start stroking me, and her mouth took in my tip. i strained against my restraints.

“oh fuck, ok, you’ve had some fun. please, now stop.”


i tried to shake off my blindfold, at least if i could identify the woman, i might be able to convince her to stop.

i lied, “i know who you are, so you’d better stop now.”

i felt a slap to my thigh. “shhhhhhh”

oh jesus, this was not going to stop. more of me was resigned to the fact, and some of me was enjoying what was happening. hey, i gotta say…. she actually knew what she was doing. despite my protests, my cock was fully erect now, and her tongue really knew it’s way around me. in fact, something about how her tongue swirled around the base of my cock when she took me deep inside her mouth was quite familiar. it wasn’t the same, but it felt similar to how my fiance sucked me. similar, but better. this girl was a pro.

as her pace increased, i resigned myself to receiving an expert blow job. fuck, i threw my head back against the tree as she really got a rhythm going. i’ve not had many women who could take all of me in their mouth, but this woman could, and she was silky smooth about it. if it wasn’t for the feeling of her tongue and lips, i could have mistaken her mouth for her pussy.

“ohhh. fuck, that’s good.”

no shhhh this time.

“ohhh, yes, suck my cock. ohhh fuck yesss.”

her fingers gripped my ass, as she fucked my cock with her mouth. fuck, this was unbelievable. here i was, tied and blindfolded, getting the best blowjob of my life from i don’t know who, on the day before my wedding. fuck, and pretty soon, i’m going to come, and come hard.

my breathing was heavy, and she knew i was close. i could hear the grass rustle in front of me, she must have been moving back slightly. her mouth came off my cock, and her hand started to pump me.

“oh, fuck, i’m going to come.”


her voice was vaugely familiar, but i was in another world. the wave was building, i was almost there.

“fuuuck, jesus, yes, yesss”

my body convulsed against my restraints, and her hand pumped hard on my cock, milking me to an amazing orgasm.

“yes baby, come on your mother in laws big tits. come on me baby.”

“HOLY FUCK! what the… fuck… jesus christ!”

she untied my blindfold, and sure as shit, there stood my future mother in law, with my come all over her tits and a cheshire cat smile on her face. i was dumbfounded, unable to speak. she took out her phone, and dialed.

“sweetheart. yes, i found him. his friends tied him to a tree out in the forest. i’ve just untied him now.”

she winked at me, “no, he wasn’t naked sweetheart, so i didn’t see anything i’m not supposed to. ok, see you soon, love you.”

she moved over to untie me, and she kissed me on the cheek.

“welcome to the family big boy.”